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“My
son or daughter AND my money go to Cal Poly”
Bumper
stickers like this one provide a tongue-in-cheek look at
the unique combination of pride and financial burden
parents often experience when a child leaves for college.
In this time of transition, a bit of humor is often helpful.
Whether
or not your son or daughter will be moving away to attend
college, your relationship with them will inevitably change.
You are embarking on a more adult relationship.
How
do you envision this relationship? Do
you trust your son or daughter to make good choices? How
much do you expect or want them to rely on you? Do
you believe they have the maturity to live more independently? What
are your concerns or fears about this transition?
Most
importantly, have you discussed this new relationship and
your expectations with them – before they move their
clothes, books, laptop and stuffed animals out of your home
and into the dorms?
When
talking with your son or daughter, here are some suggestions
to consider:
DO: Support your child with letters, phone calls, emails,
text messages, and MONEY!
DON’T: Expect that providing financial support buys
you the right to manage your child.
DO: Support your child whether they make good or bad decisions.
DON’T: Panic or expect you child to make the transition
to college mistake-free.
DO: Remember the challenges and struggles you faced as a
young adult, and how you overcame them.
DON’T: Expect your child’s experiences will
be the same as yours or that they will handle them in
the same way.
DO: Offer your advice and judgment in a supportive fashion.
DON’T: Offer your advice and judgment in a dogmatic
or ‘my way or the highway’ fashion.
DO: Appreciate the new perspectives, thoughts, and ideas
your child will bring to your family.
DON’T: Expect your child’s values and beliefs
to remain the same.
DO: Enjoy the freedom you have provided to your child.
DO: Enjoy the freedom you are also providing yourself.
Cal Poly Counseling Services
August 2005
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